


You Could Never Understand This Kind of Love

by tittysatan



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Incest, M/M, Please be warned, the first chapter is consensual hisoka/illumi, the second chapter is illumi/killua, there's no actual sex but it's definitely nonconsensual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-11-15 11:00:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11229555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tittysatan/pseuds/tittysatan
Summary: Hisoka is hunger, desire, want, for two things that are really one and the same, at least to him.Illumi is restraint, impassiveness, disinterest, all hiding a possessive longing for the one thing he's ever cared about.They have just enough in common to sicken each other.





	1. Radiance and Lead

**Author's Note:**

> Hisoka and Illumi are both absolutely fascinating in the most viscerally uncomfortable way imaginable. I wrote this mostly so I could get it out of my head.

Gon hit him. That boy actually managed to land a hit, and those eyes, and that expression … Hisoka could barely contain himself. He managed to keep in check, somehow, until the match had finished and he'd left; it wouldn't do to harvest this fruit too early, no. But now his insides were a glowing pulsing overflowing blaze, aura crawling out of him in a miasma of desire that parted the crowd before him like the Red Sea. Lust for sex, death, two sides of the same coin. Either would do. But Hisoka didn't know how much longer he could restrain himself.

He sensed Illumi long before he saw him, aura undisguised, leaning on the wall outside his door. "Long time no see, Hisoka!" the assassin said with that dead-eyed parody of a smile. "I came to check up on my cute little brother, and figured since you're here too, I'd might as well say hello."

Hisoka barely even heard him. In an instant he closed the distance between them, pinning Illumi to the wall, plaster cracking around his hands, phosphorescent yellow eyes radiating hunger. He was planning to go back to his room, jerk off, maybe take a shower, get his bloodlust in check. But not with such a delicacy right before his eyes.

Illumi was an ally, even something like a friend, so Hisoka had always kept his hands off. But he'd thought about it, oh yes. To make that expressionless face lose all composure under his hand, to make him scream and beg and gasp and writhe, to shatter that perfect control… Too tempting to resist, when he already wanted this so bad.

"What are you doing?" Illumi asked, unmoving and unblinking.

"I'm going to have you," Hisoka breathed, face a centimeter from the assassin's. "In bed or in battle, I don't care which."

He expected a knee to the crotch, perhaps, or a wave of Illumi's own aura, or a slim hidden needle to the gut. Hisoka was ready. He wanted it. He would take what he wanted.

"Oh, if you want to have sex that's fine," Illumi said.

Hisoka felt like he'd been splashed with cold water. Not enough to calm the inferno inside him, but… This was not what he had been expecting. Illumi slipped easily out of his wall pin and turned back to look at him, eyes as leaden as ever.

"Are you going to get the door?"

After pulling his hands out of the wall, Hisoka let them both in. As soon as he'd closed the door Illumi began to strip, baring that smooth pale beautiful body, and yes, this was what he wanted, to make that white skin his canvas and paint it red and purple, to mark him, to leave something indelible, a form of conquest. Hisoka shoved him onto the bed and Illumi let him. He looked so fragile, lying there, his long slim form so breakable, but hiding that terrible strength, yes, that was what excited him, knowing those delicate fingers could snap metal and stone and bone like nothing, knowing he could be _hurt_ by this man. An ecstatic shiver raced down his spine.

"Can you hurry up and fuck me?" Illumi asked like he was asking the time, and again that sensation of cold water, but at this point Hisoka was far too gone for it to matter. He pulled out his cock, jerked Illumi's legs open, and drove inside him. His insides were hot and wet and tight, accepting him in willingly, yes, he was using _nen_ in the place of lube, clever boy, and Hisoka lost himself in violent thrusting, fast and hard and not caring if Illumi was hurt and hoping he was, stabbing into him again and again, fingertips digging bruises into his shoulders. When he came, it tore through his body and out in one luminous flare, taking some of that unbearable ache with it, spilling hot and wet into Illumi, marking his territory.

It was only once his own desires had been sated that Hisoka even thought to check on the assassin, to see what he'd made of his porcelain doll.

"Well, that was fast," Illumi said. His breathing was perfectly level. He hadn't broken a sweat. Hell, not even a hair was out of place.

Hisoka did not know how to react to this.

"Illumi."

"Hm?"

"Do you enjoy sex?"

"Not particularly."

"Then why did you agree to this?"

Illumi's head tilted exactly forty-five degrees to the left. "It's good training."

"…could you explain that?"

"Sure, but could you keep fucking me while I do?"

Hisoka had long since passed the point where he expected any of this to make sense. He just closed his eyes and remembered the sensation of Gon's fists against his face, over and over again, that sweet pain transmuting into something else, excitement, anticipation, hunger, a luminous glow that flooded his body. This time he thrust slowly, not wanting to drive himself over the edge too soon, Gon's burning eyes lingering at the edge of his mind.

"Sexual stimuli is a good way to induce involuntary bodily reactions," Illumi began, sounding for all the world like he was lecturing a student rather than getting fucked. "Because of that, it's a good way to practice suppressing and controlling said bodily reactions. I have perfect control over my breathing, heart rate, sweat production, physical arousal, and orgasms. In addition, the constant distraction makes it a good way to practice _nen_ concentration as well."

The worst part, Hisoka found, was how reasonable it sounded, coming from him. Of course Illumi would see sex that way. He was lead, cold and inert, desireless, logical beyond all reason.

"And then there are the applications on other people," he continued in the same level tone. "Training to withstand painful torture is commonplace, but sexual humiliation is much rarer. I've seen quite a few cases where men who wouldn't talk if I skinned them alive go to pieces if I even threaten to rape them in front of their comrades. And of course it's very useful in ensuring obedience. Nothing causes a greater feeling of powerlessness than one's body being used that way, I've found. The effects are very lasting. Why did you stop moving?"

Hisoka hadn't even noticed. The radiance was gone, diffused into nothing against Illumi's leaden eyes, and there was a terrible question in its place.

"You said before that you were in charge of training Killua."

"Yes. Kil's amazingly resilient; he would have to be, to lead the Zoldyck family. But, well, you saw what happened when he tried to go against me."

Hisoka pulled out.

"You don't have any siblings, of course you wouldn't understand," Illumi said, shifting to a sitting position, cock instantly flaccid. "It's for his own sake; he has to understand the risks he runs, opposing someone stronger than him. It's to protect him until he can stand on his own. Is it really worse than what you want from that boy Gon?"

No, Gon was different, Gon was something special, his ward, his rival, his two-sided coin, and Hisoka only wanted that body to break it at its peak potential. Gon was his to claim when that time came. To crush that burning spirit in his hand, see those eyes glare up at him, filled with angry tears… Just the thought was intoxicating, rapturous, a brilliant flash down his spine and into his blood.

Illumi obviously thought no more of what he did to Killua than he would of any other stratagem for training and control. So indifferent. How could he compare it to this love, this desire?

"Well, it's not like it matters," Illumi said with a shrug. "This hasn't been a particularly productive training session for me, but it appears you're not willing to continue."

"Indeed."

"I guess I'll be going then." The assassin jumped lightly off the bed, landing next to his clothes, and began to dress. "If you're ever in the mood for a longer session, give me a call." Fully clothed now, he gave a small wave, mouth curved in that uncanny smile. "See you later."

"…right."

And with that, Illumi let himself out.

Hisoka decided he would take a shower, then go register for a fight tomorrow. He was in the mood to kill someone.

 


	2. A Sweet, Nostalgic Scent

Hisoka had gotten to him. As absurd as Illumi knew it was, he was bothered by the way the magician had looked at him, like he was something dirty, like he'd done something wrong. Of course Hisoka didn't understand. Still, for him to think Illumi's feelings for his beloved brother were anything like his vulgar lust for that boy… It was just insulting.

The assassin's hand hovered over the elevator buttons. He was just here to observe, he repeated to himself, to make sure nothing happened to Kil, not for his own satisfaction (though observing was satisfaction in and of itself). Illumi knew this. But even so, he turned and left the elevator, heading for a room on the other side of the 200th floor.

Kil's room.

Illumi moved silently through the empty hallway, aura disguised, until arriving in front of his brother's door. Kil wasn't inside. Of course. He was in another room down the hall, with that boy, and Illumi could barely stop himself from doing what he should have done as soon as the Hunter Exam was over.

Maybe then, Kil would come back to him.

Instead, he picked the lock on Kil's door and slipped inside.

There were clothes tossed carelessly over the backs of chairs and candy wrappers overflowing from the trash and a neat line of Chocorobo-kuns on a desk and the whole place was Kil, Kil, Kil. Illumi lay down on the bed and buried his face in the pillows and breathed in deep.

It smelled like him. Chocolate and sugar and something faintly musky, masking the scent of blood and metal. Illumi loved that smell more than anything. Had it really only been a few months since the Exam, since he was last able to touch him, to savor his scent? It felt like an eternity. Illumi hadn't been planning on staying here, just stopping by long enough to take the edge off his longing, but all this had done was intensify it. Of course. Kil was the one thing he could never resist.

So he waited, stripping naked and pulling the blankets over himself and drowning in that sweet scent.

By the time he felt Kil approaching, alone, night had fallen. Illumi slipped out of bed, tidied the blankets, and sat down again, unblinking eyes on the door.

It opened, and Kil stopped dead. "…Illu…Illu-nii…" he stammered, eyes wide and terrified, shrinking into himself. "…what…why are you…?"

"I came here to see you, of course."

Kil clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, shoulders still trembling. "I…I know about Nen now, a-alright!? So I, I'm not afraid of you anymore…"

He was so cute when he tried to seem brave.

"Come here, Kil," Illumi said, stretching out a hand.

"…no way…!" Kil shrunk back, half-hiding behind the door. "You can't, I won't let you anymore, I'll call Gon!"

It stung, the way he invoked that boy's name like a spell of protection.

"I just want to sleep next to you tonight," Illumi said. "That's all. But you know what'll happen if you argue, right?"

Kil hesitated, clinging to the door, watching him like a cornered animal. "…you really won't…do anything…?"

"Would your big brother lie to you?"

He flinched, glanced at the hall and back, then slowly, slowly entered and closed the door behind him.

"That's a good boy. Now, take your clothes off and come here."

Kil's eyes were so beautifully vacant as he undressed, like the empty eyes of a doll. Illumi loved that expression on him. It was the face he made when he'd stopped fighting, when he'd realized it was hopeless, and it was better just to let it happen. The face of a good, obedient little brother.

Illumi pulled back the covers for him and Kil climbed into bed without any more prompting, barely even shivering as his brother wrapped his arms around him. Illumi, too, was almost in a delirium. The feel of skin against skin, the softness of Kil's white hair against his face, and more than anything that sweet scent enfolding him… It was intoxication.

"I missed you so much," Illumi said, caressing his delicate collarbone. "I've been watching you this whole time, but it's not the same."

Kil didn't respond. He was so shy with affection, after all. Adorable.

Illumi traced a hand over his chest, more muscular now than the last time he'd felt it. He wanted to let his hand move lower, to really embrace Kil with his whole being, to become one with him, to show his precious brother just how much he loved him, but he held himself back. Illumi had promised, after all. Kil's big brother wouldn't lie to him.

Hisoka couldn't understand love like this. There was nothing venereal about it, nothing so impure as that. Kil was his everything, and all he wanted was to be in his heart, his mind, always and forever.

"I love you, Kil. No one else will ever love you as much as I do."

Illumi waited until Kil's breathing became deep and even before allowing himself to drift off. He knew he would have sweet dreams that night. He always did, when Kil was there.


End file.
